CBT

Do you ever question your thoughts? 

Have you ever not done something you had wanted to for fear of what other people might think of you? Be it joining a new club or sport, or setting up a blog or getting a new haircut even!?

Have you ever not gone somewhere because you didn’t want to bump into someone or potentially have a particular conversation? Or because you think you look awful!?

Have you ever stayed awake at night looking up at the ceiling, the night before work or an interview or some event you’re dreading, worrying about and playing out a worst-case scenario that never arises?

Have you ever been so worried about something that you cannot enjoy it immerse yourself in other aspects of your day to day life?

Have you ever felt unhappy with your current position in life or work or what you’re doing at present and spent time worrying about what you’d say when people ask you what you’re up to these days? (TIP: they don’t actually care anyway)

In most of these situations, your thoughts are affecting your feelings and in turn your behaviours. Inevitably then, it has a negative outcome. Today, I’m going to write about something situations which have arisen both in my life and those of people close to me recently and try to show how QUESTIONING YOUR THOUGHTS can make a situation more MANAGEABLE.

As I write, the very issue that I’ll be discussing today, is something I’m currently dealing with. Anxiety, fuelled by worrying and catastrophising, essentially over-thinking. However, the anxieties I currently feel, aren’t affecting me quite as strongly as they would have in the past, for the reasons I’m going to outline and because if the suggestions I’m going to make.

I’m always conscious when writing like this, that I’m not a mental health professional, but what I attempt to offer is any knowledge I have, from an exploration of my own experiences and from reading and listening and discussion with those I’m close to. I think sometimes people enjoy reading something they can relate to from somebody who can empathise with them 

What I’m writing about today is THOUGHTS and ANXIETY. From what I can see, anxiety comes from our thoughts. Like myself, some of you may have a tendency to ‘over-think’ ‘dwell on things’ or may have had to put up with people telling you to stop living inside your head or that you’re ‘too much of a worrier’, as though it’s a choice you’ve happily made!

When you think about. What IS anxiety? It’s a fear. A fear of something. We think, day in day out, non-stop, so we night as well make sure those thoughts are good ones! In the last piece I wrote I spoke about breathing and using mindfulness as a way to calm or even stop our thoughts momentarily, to give you a piece of mind. 

Well, another thing we can do is to QUESTION OUR THOUGHTS…’take out thoughts to court’ as I’ve heard it put recently. OUR THOUGHTS ARE NOT DEFINITIVE…THEY ARE NOT FACT. Our thoughts are simply how we are processing a situation or event or occurrence. What we THINK about this situation, in turn affects our EMOTIONS or feelings, our BEHAVIOURS or actions and ultimately our thoughts can determine the outcome of such situations or events.

A few weeks ago, I discussed this idea of ‘questioning your thoughts, with a group of 2nd year students in Wellbeing class, a new and welcome addition to the Junior Cycle course. One of them asked ‘but you can’t really change your thoughts can you? They’re just there.’ I used to think the same, but a couple of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) sessions set me straight.

Last week, I had to go to the doctor. There was something I was concerned about. Of course, before I went, I stupidly Googled what was wrong! So I entered the doctor’s room, already panicked. Despite his reassurances, diagnosis and prescription, I still left feeling extremely anxious. My thoughts  were basically ‘what if the doctor has missed something? What if the internet was right!?’ My feelings were then one of concern, worry and panic. I was catastrophising. My action was then, of course, to look online again. The outcome of which was a day of isolation and anxiety. But then I remembered… CBT. Question your thoughts. My new thought was ‘the doctor is a trained professional, with years of experience and I’d he was concerned he would have stated it.’ My new feeling was one of safety and trust. I was no longer reading online, but instead relaxing and carrying on with my day. The outcome was the ability to function and not to stare blankly into space all day!

A lot of people get social anxiety based on thoughts about what they believe is going to happen. 

Recently, I was invited to my friend’s girlfriend’s housewarming party in Dublin. All week, I honestly dreaded it. I was thinking about how I’d have to converse with a load of new people. I’m fine in many situations other people would feel anxious in. Like talking to a large crowd or writing this kind of thing, but put me in a one on one conversation with somebody I don’t really know or half know and I can freeze, or worse, find myself talking nonsensical gibberish. Since I stopped drinking, I’ve been at far less of such events, and the thought of going there filled me with unnecessary dread. My thought was’ I’m going to freeze or have nothing to say to people. My feeling was worry that people would think I’m weird or odd! I then acted by worrying about and trying to think of excuses not to go. The outcome was that I was very nervous but the party was far different than I had envisaged and I ended up having a very enjoyable time. 

My thoughts should have been there’ll be people I know and I can chat to them. This would have eased my feelings and the outcome would have been the exact same anyway. 

One more example. My girlfriend qualified as a nurse in the last year. Occasionally, she gets anxious going into work, focusing on things that could go wrong and often about how other people view her in there. We try to discuss the basis for that thought. Where is the evidence to support it? Have you made mistakes before? Has anybody ever been critical of you or have there been any suggestions of that? No. By focusing in the negative thought, it can lead her to feel anxious and overwhelmed. By focusing on the facts or evidence, it can make her feel more at ease. 

We must look for evidence to support our thoughts.  There’s no evidence to suggest the doctor was wrong or that I’d have a terrible night at that social gathering or that my girlfriend would make a mistake in her job. There’s no evidence either to suggest that when people leave me voicemails, it’s going to be bad news, but I still haven’t listened to them in four years! I can’t promise I’ll change that, but for everything else I’ll continue to QUESTION my THOUGHTS and seek evidence for me thinking. There are so many examples of situations where simply examining your thoughts can be of benefit. It can change your emotions, behaviours and your life in general. Write a list of some of these negative thoughts you’ve been having. How have they affected your emotions or moods? How did they affect your behaviours or actions? What was the outcome? Now look again at the thought. What was the situation? Could you have thought differently? We think countless thoughts every day. We may as well make the most of them!